My husband and I have recently purchased a new home, and we are in the midst of giving it the love it needs, and earlier today I spent my afternoon re installing outlets and light switches and it got me to thinking about my father. It has been nearly three years since my dad has passed and hardly a day goes by that I do not see something or do something that reminds me of him... and god how scary it is when I do something and realize, yikes I am my father daughter! The following is a post that I wrote on my personal Facebook page and it started the ball rolling of what my wish is for you. My wish for my son and each of you newly engaged and newly married couples is that you find a spouse that CHOOSES you.
"As I sit here installing new outlets and switches in our house I can't help but think of all the things my dad taught me and so many many more I wish he had before it was too late. If you are a dad or plan to be one day please take the time to teach your daughter all you know, because you know damn well you would if it were a son. Teach her how to re wire an outlet, wire a house, fix a toilet, tile a floor, do an oil change, run a tractor, hay a field, hunt, fish, teach her damn near every thing you know. Even if you aren't blue collar, teach her to code, accounting, trading, teach her the world. Because ya know what... If she can rely on herself that's one less man she will go running for and she will be stronger for it! Knowledge is power and give her the power. Just because she's a daughter doesn't mean she doesn't need to know how to use her hands and her brain, teach her to not need her looks...and one last thing, offer to show her. She may not ask, she may want you to come to her, offer multiple times through life and one day she may say yes. And that will be a memory that will never be forgotten."
I want my son to find a woman one day who's father shaped her into a strong human being, someone who can take control when needed and get stuff done. Now I am not saying be a b*tch, and being demanding and controlling. I am meaning a woman who is strong in her beliefs and strong in her support. A woman must first be strong in herself to be strong for her spouse. I pray for a woman to come forward that says " I do not NEED you, I CHOOSE you."
I do not need my husband, I can get by just well on my own. My father taught me how to be brave and how to be safe and how to do anything that I need to run my own life. My father also taught me to believe in myself, because no matter how perfect you think someone may be, each of us have our faults. Each of us will slip and fall and let someone down. My father taught me to be strong for my self. My mother taught me how to love, how to support and how to never give up and to keep CHOOSING to love everyday, because anyone who knows my father knows damn well he was not an easy man to love. My mother woke up every morning and CHOSE him, chose to keep trying and keep fighting for what she believed in. She let him fall and kick and scream and she fought to get him back up again. My father game me the strength to not ever need to depend on someone other than myself, and my mother taught me to always make the choice to love.
I wake up each day and CHOOSE my husband, I choose to sometimes take a backseat and let him run the show, because it is not weakness that allows someone to be supportive, It is true strength. It is strength to sit and support and wait for them to thrive or fall, and strength to sit there each night and listen to each days struggle simply being a shoulder and a confidant. Other days I CHOOSE to question him, I question a choice he is thinking about doing whether it be in life or in business, I question him and force him to think. I CHOOSE to support him no matter what. No matter what I CHOOSE to be here for him, to love him, to be his partner. I CHOOSE to believe in him, I believe that everything he does and every choice he makes will be great. They may not all be great right away but in time and with adjustment I know he will fight and he will do what needs to be done to make everything come together. I CHOOSE to be a rock, and I CHOOSE to love and I CHOOSE to always support.
My wish for my son and for each of you is that you find someone who wakes up each day and does not NEED YOU but one that CHOOSES YOU.